I knew reverse dieting would be hard. I prepared myself for that. I tried to be open and transparent with everyone around me that I was struggling in hopes that their support would help me push through. Don't get me wrong, their kind and motivating words were very much appreciated but in the end it comes down to yourself.
Each and every day I was battling with myself mentally. I felt defeated. I felt weak. I helpless. I felt lost. And, honestly, I still feel lost.
After deciding to prep almost immediately after moving to Denver, I shut myself off from meeting new friends from the lack or ability of being able to go out to eat, happy hours, etc. My diet and training came first. That was my priority and that is A-Okay.
Sure, with flexible dieting going out to eat and to happy hours is possible. But, for me it seemed daunting. Plus, I typically ate 85% of my calories before 1:00PM, meaning I wasn't in a good mood come 5:00PM.
So, after prep ended and opportunities to meet new people and try new restaurants were presented to me, I pounced. I didn't want to be held back my macros. I didn't want to have to decline because I didn't have the ability to make it fit. I was so ready to have friends and just live life.
I know this may all sound crazy to you. So many people are able to prep and find the balance of still enjoying a social life at the same time. It can be done. But, as an introvert with social anxiety in a new city with a new job, that was too overwhelming for me. Not to mention, do you know how hard it is to make new friends in a new city as an adult? It is hard. Like really hard.
Not only did I feel ready to enjoy life a little outside of tracking, I mentally needed a break.
I had some really great days.
Honestly, most days in the gym are just that, great! No matter how much I feel like a chubby bunny, I am lifting more and enjoying cardio.
However, most days were extremely tough.
I snuck extra food.
I felt guilty.
I knew I was headed in a path that I didn't want to go down. With my reverse diet already flubbed and some anxiety related stressors occurring in my life, I decided to quit tracking. And, I couldn't be more content with this decision.
I choose to eat healthy.
Some day I over eat.
And some days I eat too much junk.
Some days less.
But, I am trying to figure out what works for me.
And right now the freedom from not tracking is a huge weight lifted off my shoulder.
Am I uncomfortable with my weight gain? Yeah. You bet.
Do I have the tools to get rid of it when I am ready? All of them.
If you're struggling post show:
1. Know you are not alone.
2. If you decide to change your path, that is ok.
3. Change your mind as much as you want.
4. Do what makes you happy.
5. Do not do something to please someone else.
6. Gaining weight doesn't make you a person of lesser value.
7. Find support.
8. Reverse dieting isn't the only way.
9. Tracking isn't the only way.
10. You will find what works for you, even if it takes a couple days, weeks, or months.
11. Work hard in the gym.
12. Love yourself.
If you do change your mind like I did, know this:
You're not a quitter.
Fitness isn't a one way street. Our journeys are full are speed bumps and forks in the road. You may lose yourself a few times, but you'll always find your way back to where you're meant to be. And, you don't have to travel down the same road as everyone else.
Remember: do what makes you happy, not others.
If you have any questions about my decisions to stop tracking, comment below!
If you have any topics you'd like me to touch on, comment below!
If you're struggling post show or in general, comment below and let's get in touch!